Morbid Musings of the Vampire Mind
by ASouthernVamp
Summary: Take a walk on the wild side as the Cullens finally let their monsters come out & play - in their minds at least! Heads will roll, blood will be drunk, & Bella finally gets her man in all his sexy, vampiric glory—sort of! Rated M for darkly morbid humor


**Morbid Musings of the Vampire Mind

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**Authors:** ASouthernVamp (aka InfinityPoet & u2shay)

**Rating:** M

**Genre:** Dark/Dry Humor

**Synopsis:** Even the tamest monsters have a dark side. Take a peek into the psyches of your favorite friendly neighborhood vampires as they let their inner fiend come out to play. Rated M for morbid humor & death...bloody, head-rolling death…

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**A/N:** No specific order to these o/s and drabbles.

Remember, folks, **these drabbles are a lot morbid and VERY tongue in cheek**. You've been warned!

Many, many thank you to **Katmom **for beta'ing and **Sherri_Ada** for pre-reading. :)

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**Drabble One—Never Trust a Vampire…

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I listened to the pounding of her blood over the chattering voices of the insignificant populace of Forks High School, home of the Spartans, rah, rah, and all that jazz.

I wanted her. I wanted to devour her, destroy her, steal her glorious blood until her brown eyes dulled with lifelessness, her terror still evident in their empty depths.

The thought of ending her mundane existence filled me with a thrill that I had never known in my mortal life. This girl stood before me smiling as though she were my friend, when she should be cowering on her knees.

It would be so easy. It always was. I smiled, my mouth going crooked. I knew for a fact that my countenance was friendly, composed to make her trust me, to hide the monster that thirsted for her blood and for her death. I laughed internally as her breath caught. I leaned close, listening to the delicious pounding of her heart as I breathed on her.

Like I said. Easy. So very, very easy.

Her eyes dilated and her heart rate spiked as she inhaled my scent. She, like so many others, was drawn to the sweetness of my breath. It was ambrosial to humans. I took advantage of her dazed state and whispered the words that I knew she would obey.

"Follow me."

She nodded her head jerkily, unable to articulate her assent. I offered her my arm, fighting my grin as she gasped at the cool temperature of my skin.

Others looked on in envy as I led her toward the gravel parking lot. We stopped by her shitty vehicle, the one that she was so proud of. Her father had bought it for her recently.

It would be easy to cover up her demise. A car wreck, an unfortunate cliff-diving accident... She wouldn't be missed by anyone...well, anyone other than Mike Newton.

I carefully extracted the keys from her ill-fitting black raincoat and unlocked the passenger door.

"I'll drive," I quipped, helping her sit down. I exhaled directly in her face as I spoke to keep her calm until the moment when I could luxuriate in her screams.

I smirked at the bewildered faces of the huddled masses of sheep that attended Forks High as I reversed from the spot and exited the lot.

I took the 110 West away from my family, knowing that as soon as I made the final decision one of them would try to stop me, and I wanted as much time as possible to revel in the glory of the sweet blood of the petite brunette beside me.

"Where are we going?" she asked with a small quaver in her voice.

I smelled the spike of adrenaline in her blood and suppressed a grin.

_Fear...so delicious_. I didn't think that she had it in her.

I smiled at her, eying the vein pulsing in her neck. "Do you trust me?" I asked, my dark eyes burning into her own.

_You shouldn't, little girl_, I thought. _But you will. Your kind always does._

"Yes?" she whispered, but it came out as a question.

"We are going someplace special...like you." My grin widened and my voice oozed sincerity.

"Y-y-you think I'm special?" she stammered as her heart rate increase. If I had planned on letting her live through the hour, I might have worried about her health.

"Of course I think you are special. You're here with me, aren't you? And we're going to have a lovely drink together and maybe even neck a little." I smirked and winked.

She bit her lip and smiled shyly as a blush crept up her neck and into her cheeks. Oh, how I longed to taste that blood that pooled there. Soon, I told myself. The boundary line was less than a half mile away now. My family wouldn't dare cross over into the mutt's territory, not even to save this doe-eyed little girl.

"You know, I've never done this before," she whispered, embarrassed.

"Done what?" I asked, knowing what she meant, but wanting to see that delicious blush fill her cheeks once again.

She shrugged, her cheeks burning. "You know, running off...having drinks...necking..."

I grinned. "Don't worry. I have," I said, my golden eyes twinkling with humor.

She looked down. "A lot?" she stammered.

I just grinned. _Oh, if she only knew..._ "Enough," I answered, giving her a smoldering sidelong glance.

"Oh," she whispered and stared at her fingers.

"I suppose that..."

I glanced at her curiously. Her mind was strangely blank. "What?"

"Well...that you have a lot of experience?" she squeaked.

"No. Not a lot," I replied.

"Enough?" she said, throwing my words back at me.

I nodded. "Yes, enough...but hopefully..."

She blushed and looked away. "Hopefully what?" she whispered in a voice that a human would have had to strain to hear.

"Hopefully, I'll be able to enjoy your company for much longer than any of the others." And it wasn't a lie. I wanted to savor every glorious mouthful of her sweet smelling blood.

She flushed a deeper red, and I had to fight to contain the growl that was bubbling up through my chest. This girl really did have a death wish.

I forced myself to focus on the area around us, listening with both my ears and my mind, trying to discern if we were in an area that was void of other humans that might complicate my afternoon plans.

Once I was certain that we were alone, I pulled over to the shoulder of the road and exited the vehicle at my normal speed.

She let out a startled yelp as I appeared at her door a second later, and I smiled wickedly as her fear spiked scent permeated the air.

I ignored the smell as best I could and helped her from the passenger seat. I didn't want to eat in the vehicle. That was unsanitary at the best of times. No. I wanted to play with her. Draw it out a bit.

Once she was steady on her feet I took her hand as guided her toward the woods off to the left side of the road.

"We're going into the woods? I don't think I should. I mean, I'm just not the hiking type of girl. Maybe we should just go down to the beach or something or maybe back to town." She was rambling on and it was starting to get annoying.

"It's not far into the woods and you'll be with me. I thought you said you trusted me." I gave her my best wounded expression. "You know I won't let you get hurt…"

"Oh, alright," she acquiesced and bit her lip again.

"Good, you won't regret it. The view is to die for." My lips twitched at my little joke. Of course she wouldn't regret it… She wouldn't live long enough to do so.

I offered her my arm and set off into the woods at a snail's pace to me but a brisk walk for her.

"It's not much further," I said softly, my hunger growing.

She stumbled again and I caught her, pulling her close against my chest and burying my nose in her throat. Her heart thudded painfully and she was gasping.

My thirst was making me impatient. I stepped away and tugged at her arm, urging her forward. She stumbled forward.

"Hey, wait, just give me a moment."

I groaned quietly. She didn't have a moment. Not one minute more, even.

I scooped her into my arms and carried her toward the cliffs. She squeaked and protested, but I quieted the annoying sounds rolling off her lips with a crooked grin and another neck nuzzle.

It was so difficult not to bite. I clenched my teeth together and stopped breathing. The monster wasn't known for his patience.

She gasped as we broke from the woods.

I set her down on the stony ground and swept my arm out, admiring the view of the Pacific that had long been denied me.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Holy crow!" she stated, awed.

The sky was heavy with the precipitation that would fall at any moment and the ocean was churning and choppy, its gray waters angry and hostile. It was perfect.

I moved slowly, coming to stand behind her, my hands resting lightly on her shoulders. Brushing her hair back, I smoothed it to the other side of her neck and leaned in again, reveling in her heady aroma.

The turbulent silence of our surroundings was interrupted by the shrill shrieking of my phone. I growled, crushing it in my grip. I didn't need to answer it to know that it was my meddling sister. _Officious harpy…_

My pet stared in horror at the broken phone in my hand, her eyes darting between it and the suddenly feral smile on my lips.

She tried to step away, but I gripped her closer, my arm like a steel band around her waist.

"Wait...no..." she babbled, but it was too late.

Her dark eyes widened in terror and I grinned, my razor sharp teeth on full display.

"What are you?" she gasped.

I sneered. "I could tell you...but I'd much rather show you, my pet."

"No...no...please..."

I sighed. Begging. Always with the begging... _Please don't murder me, Mr. Vampire. I have a family…a sweetheart…I'm too young to die…blah, blah, blah…_

"Hush, little one."

"Please...please don't hurt me!"

"Hurt you? No, my sweet. I'm going to kill you." I stated matter-of-factly. "But, I'm feeling generous today, so I'm going to give you a sporting chance. If you make it back to your vehicle before I catch you, then I'll let you live."

She looked toward the woods then back at me swiftly; it was the first smart thing she had done all day, keeping the predator in her line of sight.

"Do you promise?" Her tone had an edge of desperation to it that was like a symphony to the monster.

I crouched forward into the stance of the hunter that lay just below the surface.

"I promise," I purred. "Run!"

She scrambled away from me and took off at a dead run towards the woods. She managed to trip twice before she made it to the edge of the tree line.

I sighed, already bored, and leaped the short thirty foot distance to land smoothly in front of her.

She gasped and backed away from me. I allowed her two steps before I reached out and pulled her flush against my chest.

"No, please!" she screamed and tried to wrench herself from my grasp. I loosened my hold on her so as to not break her arms before I remembered where I was and that it didn't matter and tightened them again.

"Please, let me go. I promise, I won't tell anyone what you are."

Again with the pleading…it was getting tiresome.

"And what am I, my sweet treat?" I whispered in her ear, fanning my breath across her face once again.

She mumbled out an answer, the correct one at that, but I was not going to allow her to be quiet.

Oh, no, she had been far too quiet all afternoon.

"Say it, pet," I demanded. "Out loud…"

Her voice came out as a breathless gasp as she sobbed and she still stuttered over the word.

"Fine, have it your way. I'll say it for you, my pet. Vampire. There, was that so hard?"

She trembled in my hands, shaky whimpers falling from her lips. Her eyes rolled in panic and I pulled her to my chest as her knees gave way. She was hyperventilating. That just wouldn't do.

"Shhh," I said soothingly, running a soft hand over her dark hair. "Shhh..."

Tears streaked down her cheeks and she flailed in my arms, kicking and screaming and begging for someone to save her.

Twisting her hair in my hands, I jerked her head to the side. I didn't rush to my meal. I wasn't Emmett. I had fineness...self-control…

Instead, I took a deep pull of her intoxicating scent, rubbing my nose up and down her carotid. Her pulse beat erratically under my lips and I smiled.

"Delicious," I murmured.

She whimpered.

I licked her skin, letting the monster fully come out and play. It had been a long time.

I drew the sharp edge of my thumbnail over the delicate flesh between her throat and shoulder, lapping at the blood that welled forth. It was just as sweet as I thought it would be, made more intoxicating by her terror.

She gasped as my lips latched onto the wound, suckling it, drawing forth more of her life's essence.

I purred at the taste. It was exquisite, infinitely more satisfying than deer blood could ever be.

I pulled her closer, ignoring her fists as they pummeled at my back and sides.

Her knee came up as she tried to unman me.

"Ut, ut...now that's not nice," I drawled, pulling back slightly.

I stepped away from my prey, eying her speculatively. Where to taste next? I didn't want to finish her quickly. I wanted to savor every last drop.

I fought back my raging thirst as I reached for her hand. I cradled it in mine softly, almost cherishingly. Drawing it forth, palm up, I kissed it lightly...like a gentleman. I used my nail to cut into her soft flesh, ignoring her cry of pain. It was better like this. I didn't want the pleasure of her blood to be tainted with the bite of my venom. Not yet.

As I drank from the lush fountain of her wrist, she collapsed in my arms. It was much too soon for such nonsense. I pulled back and tapped her cheek, patiently bringing her back to consciousness.

She screamed as her eyes focused on me. I smiled. "That's better," I murmured with a hint of amusement in my voice.

She struggled and pulled away from me and tiring of the game, I released her. Watching as she ran for the edge of the cliff, I caught her just as she stepped off the edge.

"It's been fun, my sweet, but I'm thirsty and you tire me with your whimpering and begging."

I jerked her head to the side once more and buried my teeth into the sweet spot just below her left ear. It was a favorite place of mine. It always had been.

I drank greedily, filling the empty and starving recesses of my immortal body with the mortality of her spent life. Had a feed ever been this good, this satisfying?

I didn't think it had.

She was mine and I had my fill, clasping her dying body to mine as she collapsed once again. I growled in frustration as her blood flow slowed and then stopped, her heartbeat as silent as the forest surrounding us. In disgust I stepped back, holding the broken and lifeless form away from me.

I released her body carelessly, letting it tumble into the churning ocean below. I knew that it would erase what I had done. Her body, if found, would be beyond recognition, battered and broken.

I smiled as the ocean covered my deed, my evilness.

"Goodbye, _**Miss Stanley**_. I must say the pleasure was all mine..."

**~oOo~**

"Edward? Edward?" I snapped back from my fantasy feeling a hand shaking my arm vigorously.

I glanced down at Bella and sighed.

"Hey, where'd you go? Were Jessica's thoughts really that bad? Because you were glaring at her like you wanted to eat her…" Bella astutely observed.

"It's nothing, love. C'mon. We have to get to Biology…"

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**Thank you for reading! We hope that you've enjoyed our little collaborative journey into the dark mind of Edward Cullen. Just so you know, this story isn't complete. There is more mayhem to come! So what sayeth you, dear readers, who should we kill next...you know, figuratively speaking? :)**

**Also, you can follow us on Twitter: ****(at)ASouthernVamp (at)InfinityPoet (at)u2shay**

**If you feel so inclined, we would love it if you left a review!**


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